Thinking ahead, falling behind

I can’t believe we’re less then 8 weeks away from my due date. It’s CRAZY! I was so ahead of the game in terms of baby preparations at one point, but have definitely fallen behind since getting into the third trimester. I knew I’d need to slow down by this point, but I’m shocked by how exhausted I am. It doesn’t help that I’ve been more busy at work than ever before, leaving me completely devoid of energy by the time I get home. It’s been rough. This is the first weekend in a while that we’ve had the chance to work on baby preparation stuff and I’m frustrated that there’s so much I simply can’t do anymore. I got light-headed just trying to spackle some holes in our bedroom walls, so I feel like a total loser in the helping out department.

This weekend I’m laundering the baby’s linens and newborn and 3-month clothes and putting things in place in the baby’s room. I’m also ordering some shelving and a fridge for the mudroom so we’ll have some extra storage space. Adam’s painting our bedroom, something he’s wanted to do for ages. It’ll be nice having a non-white room and the color we chose is a really soothing blue that should be conducive to relaxation. There’s still a lot to be done, but I’m trying to focus on individual tasks rather than the big picture so I don’t feel overwhelmed.

It’s just hard to believe that we’ll soon have a little baby! When I think about the baby, the thing I’m getting most excited about is having the opportunity to teach him things as he grows and watching him learn. He’s going to be coming out into a world he’s never seen before. Everything will be new. It’s sort of like E.T. only cuter and he probably won’t be able to make my bike fly. I can’t wait to watch him experience things for the first time and see his reaction. I can’t wait to show him things and teach him things and watch him take it all in. I know it’ll be a while before he’s really able to explore the world on his own, but even those first few months are just one developmental milestone after another. I can hardly wait.

Still, I have a hard time picturing what life will really be like with a baby. I keep getting these offers to speak, teach, write, etc. and I’m turning everything down (other than ALA Annual since my in-laws live in Chicago) until 2010 becuase I just can’t imagine how it’ll work. Do I really want to fly to California with a 6-month-old? Probably not. I agreed to teach a class for San Jose State starting in January 2010, but it will require a lot of prep work prior to that, and I’m a little nervous. I assume I’ll be able to juggle it all (lots of people seem to manage), but not knowing what my life will be like with a baby makes me a little apprehensive to take on much responsibility beyond my day-job.

Honestly, I have no idea how I’d have made it through this pregnancy without Adam. He’s been such a gem. He’s taken over nearly all of the housework since I’ve been so exhausted. He’s always willing to pick me up food I’m craving or rub my back when I’m feeling uncomfortable. And he’s been there for me emotionally. The other day when I came home from work, I found roses on the table, a sweet card, and a romantic dinner being prepared. When you’re feeling big, uncomfortable and crappy most of the time, having someone make you feel special can make all the difference. No matter how stressful a day I have at work, I always get a smile on my face the minute I turn onto our street because I know I get to spend the rest of the day with Adam. I am so lucky to have him and I hope he knows how much he means to me.

Break’s over. Back to the laundry!