A welcome distraction
This is the first time I’ve been on my computer for more than 5 minutes since Reed was born. I use my iPhone sometimes while nursing, but it’s rather difficult to write a blog post on one of those. After a marathon (1 1/2 hour!!!) feeding session, Reed is sleeping and I feel like I might actually have time to finish this post. Fingers crossed!
Reed has been an absolute joy over the past 11 days. I could spend days just staring into his beautiful eyes and holding him close. The love definitely makes the sleep deprivation more tolerable. The first five nights of his life, I got about three hours of sleep cumulatively, but I’ve been doing much better with sleep this week and am feeling a bit more lucid and less stressed. It also helps that Spring has finally sprung in Vermont and we’ve been able to take some nice walks with Reed.
One of the things I was most concerned about before Reed was born was nursing. Would he be able to latch on? Would he be satisfied with my production? Would my milk come in in a timely manner? Would it hurt too much? It’s kind of scary to have another person completely dependent on you for sustenance. And nursing him has been one of the great pleasures of motherhood, but also one of the greatest stressors. On the whole, things are going really well, but he does have occasional difficulties latching just because he gets so frantic on the breast. I’ve had to unlearn some of the things that I was taught in the hospital that were contributing to his freak-outs — some of the nurses had me shove my breast into Reed’s mouth, force his head onto my breast, and one even put sugar water on my nipple. Really, all it takes is good placement and patience. Things get better every day and my soreness is improving, so I feel very optimistic about our nursing relationship.
Mere minutes after Reed was born, I tried nursing him for the first time. And it was about as easy as a nursing session can be. I thought wow! This is great! It’s going to be so easy to nurse this little guy!. The nurses kept commenting on what a mellow little guy he was.
Unfortunately, by the next evening, Reed was not so mellow. He was extremely gassy and frantic about it, screaming all the time unless I was nursing him. He seemed to want to nurse every hour. I spent the entire night awake trying to calm him down and was really worried about him. I didn’t realize at the time, but it wasn’t that Reed wanted to nurse every hour, but that he wanted to suck for comfort while he was gassy, and it didn’t matter if it was a nipple, a finger or a pacifier that he was sucking on. I had mixed feelings about giving him a pacifier the first time, but it’s been one of the major things that’s kept the three of us sane and it hasn’t had any sort of negative impact on our nursing relationship (his latch keeps getting better every day). The first few nights at home he was extremely gassy and kept us up all day and night. He’s still gassy, but we’re giving him medicine before every meal, and he’s getting better about sleeping and letting us sleep.
On the morning that we were going to leave the hospital, we were visited by a different pediatrician in our pediatrician’s group. She asked me how nursing was going and I said that he was demanding feeding nearly hourly during the night. She then said that I should supplement with formula because it sounded like I wasn’t giving him enough food. When I expressed reservations about doing that, she told me that if he came into the hospital with dehydration, he’d have to go through a full battery of tests, including a spinal tap, so I shouldn’t take chances just nursing him. That scared the living daylights out of me, but it didn’t seem to me that he was dehydrated considering how moist his mouth was and how much he was peeing. But she seemed so sure that this is what I had to do and clearly she has a lot more experience with babies than I do. She also said that he looked small and may have lost too much weight since birth (mind you, this is the first time she’d seen him and had not checked his weight yet). Turns out, he’d only lost 5% of his body weight (over 10% is concerning), but she still continued to push the formula thing and made me question whether wanting to nurse exclusively was about me being stubborn and not about me doing what’s best for Reed. Even Adam said that maybe we should supplement, so I was definitely doubting myself as we left the hospital.
Fortunately, I trusted my body to do the right thing for Reed and my milk was totally in by the next afternoon. Within three days of leaving the hospital, he had gained 11 oz. from his discharge weight and was well over his birth weight. He eats well and pees so well that his diapers can rarely hold it all (in fact, he peed all over me while nursing early this morning). There is not now, nor was there then, any evidence that he is not getting enough from me. But the pediatrician seemed so sure that I should supplement with formula that it was difficult for me to trust my own judgment at the time.
In the hospital, you can pretty much convince a mother to do anything by just telling her it’s “for the good of the baby.” I would have undergone any medical intervention to ensure that Reed was healthy and happy. So when you hear from a medical professional that you’re not doing enough for your child, you tend to believe them. I’m sure a lot of people have heard that line about needing to supplement with formula and just trusted that the doctor knew better. I’m sure some people actually do need to supplement, but that should be based on evidence that the child really and truly needs it. I think medical professionals need to be more careful about creating doubt in a new parent’s mind in the absence of compelling medical evidence.
I’m thrilled that I can give Reed the nutrition and antibodies that he needs to grow and be healthy, and it pleases me to see him growing so quickly. His newborn diapers are already getting tight on him and I think we’ll be able to move on to the Level 1 diapers (8 lbs and up) very soon. Adam is doing such a great job feeding me, taking care of the baby, and making sure I get enough sleep to function. Things are definitely looking up from those first few sleepless nights full of doubts. We can do this!
April 28th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Awesome post, thanks for writing it and sharing your experiences.
April 28th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
I’m glad that breastfeeding is going well. It is hard at first, getting the latch down, but after a few weeks you and Reed will be pros and you’ll be able to nurse in your sleep (literally). I’m also glad that you didn’t supplement with formula! Reed is beautiful, congratulations!
April 28th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
Manditory Parental Anecdote: We had almost exactly the opposite experience with breastfeeding. That is, all of our doctors, nurses, and breastfeeding coaches kept saying “just keep trying, keep it up, it will happen.” Meanwhile, Eliza lost a TON of weight, and was very, very close to dehydration before we decided to supplement, and eventually move completely to formula. Regardless of what we said, regardless of how we described the problems to any of them, the chorus was “Just a little longer!” It never happened for us.
Was probably the most frustrating and scary part of the first 2 weeks.
Once we started on formula, she grew like a weed, did great, and is now the gorgeous future wife of Reed (did we ever get that arranged marriage contract signed?)
Just a story from almost the complete opposite side of the parenting world.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
My understanding is that the health benefits of breast feeding are NOT diminished by supplementation. Simon had some formula sometimes. If you HAD supplemented, that probably would have been okay, too.
Anyway- delighted to hear that things are going well. Reed is beautiful.
Jason, Simon doesn’t even get a shot at bidding on that contract?
April 29th, 2009 at 9:48 am
Way to stick to your guns. I think hospitals and doctors like formula because it can be measured and breastmilk can’t. It is normal for babies to lose some weight after birth and it is great that Reed started gaining so quickly. As long as he is gaining weight and you are happy with his progress, there is no reason to supplement. Plus, supplementing will decrease your supply since Reed would be eating less from you. It becomes a double edged whammy. Supplement with formula because of “low supply” and then decrease the supply even more causing more supplementing, and on and on.
Nursing gets better and better with age, especially after the soreness wears off. Do not worry too much about the long or frequent feedings. Gideon ate almost every hour at the beginning and then every 2 hours for the first few months. It was not until 4-5 months that he would go more than 3 hours. Breastfed babies eat more often.
At almost a year old, he is down to three times during the day and twice at night. It is very powerful to know that I both gave birth to him and have fed him as well.
Good luck. Enjoy every stage. They are all fun, sleep deprivation or not.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Jason, thx for sharing your story. I think what it comes down to in both cases is trusting our instincts as parents and realizing that sometimes we actually do know better than the experts because we are with our child all the time. David, I am not against supplementation in general but I definitely was against doing it during that critical early feeding time that can impact later milk production. Had I not fed him exclusively in those early days I don’t know if I would have been able to meet his rather large demand now. Michelle, thanks for the words of encouragement; I really do feel good about being able to give him this gift (even when it hurts).
April 29th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I just realized you’re a Reed Feeder and tried to come up with an RSS joke. I failed. Sorry.
“sometimes we actually do know better than the experts because we are with our child all the time.”
Cannot agree more. Nobody knows your child as well as you.
Liz agrees- it gets a lot less uncomfortable. Happy nursing for both of you!
April 29th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
“I think medical professionals need to be more careful about creating doubt in a new parent’s mind in the absence of compelling medical evidence.”
YES! I agree and I am glad you trusted your instinct.
I’m enjoying reading your personal blog. Derek and I hope to try and make a baby next summer! I’ll be 29, almost 30 so I think I will be ready. We’ll see.
May 1st, 2009 at 1:04 am
Good for you for trusting your instincts. Both mine were born via csection and thus were a bit sedated and never latched on properly. I pumped almost exclusively for both. My first one was allergic to my milk. I eliminated all possible allergens from my diet and after a month no change. The doctors insisted a baby could not be allergic and I should keep nursing. Ironically it was the lactation consultant who told me to stop and switch to formula. Within days of finding the right formula Ian’s colic went away and my sanity was restored. Months of sleep deprivation had worn me down and coupled with severe PPD, I was losing it. Thank goodness the lactation consultant realized that healthy mom = healthy baby.
Cameron was not allergic but I was too tired to pump every 3-hours and she was borderline marked as “failure to thrive” because of not gaining enough weight during the weeks after she was born. The second time around we made the switch to formula more quickly because we saw how it helped Ian.
So all of this is a long way to say each person’s experience can totally be changed by a good or bad doctor, nurse, lactation consultant. Just like there are good and bad teachers. There are good and bad workers in any profession.
I’m so happy for you and Adam and Reed. I like that he is already shusshing. Wonder if he will be a librarian
May 5th, 2009 at 9:17 am
Wow! Sounds like you had an experience as a first time mom similar to one I had! Nursing started out easy breezy…then became a challenge our first night home from the hospital. Reed sounds as though he’s a hungry, growing boy…good for him but can be draining for mom who has to sit for hours a day feeding the baby. I’m so glad that it has turned out to be the wonderful experience that its meant to be. I absolutely LOVE the pictures you’ve posted…I can’t wait to show Caitlyn and Emily how sweet your little guy is. The girls ask about you often and hope you’re well…and hope to meet Reed sometime this summer. I think of you every day and hope you’re well (certainly sounds as though you are!) Give a shout out if you’re in need of anything. Take care and thank you for keeping us in your lives with your posts.