Learning how to be a mom

I can hardly believe that Reed is going to be 1 month old in just 4 days! Where has the time gone? It’s amazing how the hours pass when you have a baby. You blink your eyes and it’s 10 pm and you realize that you’ve done nothing you’d planned to do that day because you child wanted to be fed every hour or he managed to poop/pee through every diaper you put him in. I feel like I’m starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel though. This morning, I managed to go through resumes for the Distance Learning Librarian position at my library (yes, I am doing work during maternity leave, but it just means I’ll get to take more time off later on), and Reed is now chilling in his swing, allowing me to write this post.

I came to motherhood having never done so much as changed a diaper. I’d held babies twice in my life and was extremely uncomfortable both times. When Reed was born, I was pretty terrified about picking him up for the first day, and it’s funny to look back on that considering how comfortable I am with him now. Being his mother feels so natural now, as does everything that comes with it. Nothing he does really phases me anymore after dealing with some of his epic diaper blowouts. Well, clipping his nails still terrifies me, but I think I’m going to be forced to do it soon as they’re getting rather long. I tried filing his nails last week and it helped a little bit, but not quite enough. They’re just so tiny!!!

I’m learning a lot more about his cues too. It’s easier for me to tell his “I’m wet” cry from his “I’m hungry” cry now. Some of his cries are still a mystery to me, but I’ve gotten better at calming him down during those times when he doesn’t need something obvious.

I’ve also learned a lot about the mental side of being a mom. I spent way too much time over the past few weeks beating myself up over things and, as a result, being irritable with Adam (I’m sure Adam would use a word other than irritable to describe my behavior, probably a word starting with “B”, but I digress). I was starting to worry that I had post-partum depression, but what I realized was that I was making myself sick and miserable trying to keep doing things that just weren’t working. What I’ve learned is that while a mother should always do what’s best for her child, a big part of that is taking care of herself and not being stressed or miserable. Stress isn’t good for a baby. Yelling isn’t good for a baby. Crying while feeding a baby isn’t good for a baby. After having a good talk with my pediatrician the other day, I’ve made some changes that have resulted in me being much happier and more relaxed. The measure of a mother is not how miserable she is, and I think it took me a little while to realize that. I feel much more able to enjoy Reed now and even Reed seems a lot more relaxed. Happy mommy, happy baby. We like that.

Reed’s over 8 pounds now and we have another well baby visit at the pediatrician’s office tomorrow, so we’ll see how he’s progressing. He’s crying a lot less now, seems much more interested in the world around him, and is sleeping so much better. I’ve started pumping breastmilk a bit, and Reed does much better with the bottle in terms of his gas. I do feel sad that breastfeeding just doesn’t seem to be working for him (or at least it’s not making him a very happy camper), but if something else will prevent him from being miserable, I’m willing to make a change. It’s all about him being fed, healthy and happy. And looking over at him in the swing right now, with his eyelids drooping towards sleep, he seems to be all three of those things.