Feeding woes

It’s been a trying couple of weeks here in the Farkas household. Reed started having diarrhea around 4 weeks ago, which got worse after he got his 4-month vaccinations. About 2 weeks ago, his poop turned a dark green, which any parent knows is not a good sign. He’s been having skin issues (eczema and cradle cap) since he was about 3 months old, which seemed to be getting worse, and his nose had been stuffy for the past 7 weeks. All of this led us to believe that he might have an allergy to cow’s milk. I’d actually suspected this way back when Reed was a few weeks old because of all the tummy discomfort he was having back then and the fact that the only thing I could think of that I ate at the time that might have made him sick was milk (I hadn’t had any of the other big allergy culprits). So we decided to try him on soy formula and I would just freeze my breast milk for a while. That didn’t go well at all. After trying the soy, Reed wouldn’t eat and got very lethargic. In fact, he started crying when he even saw a bottle. Then, four hours after having the formula, he threw up all over Adam. Clearly, that was not the solution.

The diarrhea was starting to make Reed dehydrated and caused terrible diaper rash, so we went to the doctor. The pediatrician we saw (ours was off that day) gave us some hypoallergenic formula and told me to give up anything in my diet from a cow. I decided instead to hold off a few days and freeze my breastmilk until I saw how he did on the formula. Within two days, his skin and scalp were completely clear and the diarrhea was gone. The transformation was so quick and so surprising. Within a week his diaper rash was a lot better. Even though he ended up contracting parvovirus last week, he was in great spirits — our old happy-go-lucky ball of cuteness.

So I gave up everything from a cow and soy. Being a huge milk drinker and cheese, yogurt and ice cream eater, it was really difficult, but I found things I could eat (even some dairy-free soy-free cookies!). I dutifully pumped and dumped for two weeks to keep up my milk supply. Last night, for the first time in 2 weeks, we gave him breastmilk — just for one feeding. And it all went to hell. He got diarrhea again. The diaper rash came back so bad it made him scream when we changed him. He started to get red and crusty in a few of his skin creases. All from 6 ounces of breastmilk that, if it had any dairy or soy in it at that point, it must have been trace amounts. Clearly he is very sensitive and perhaps the allergy is not even to milk and soy at all (or it’s to milk, soy, and other things).

So I am at a crossroads now. Reed has an appointment with an allergist, but not until mid-October. I could continue to pump and dump for all that time and then he will get pricked with needles or get his blood drawn (in which case the results will take longer to get) and we’ll find out what I need to eliminate from my diet. I could just give up eating the big 8 allergens (milk, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, wheat, egg, fish and shellfish), but that would leave me very little to subsist on and I’d still have to wait at least 2 weeks until I could start giving him breastmilk again. Or I could just call it a day with the breastfeeding. He’s doing well on the hypoallergenic formula (which costs an absolute fortune) and at this point, it seems like my milk is doing him more harm than good. I feel like the only reason I would continue trying to give him breastmilk at this point would be for my own ego — so I feel like a good mom. But I don’t feel like I good mom when I feed him something that makes him ill. It just sucks. After all I’ve gone through to try to provide him the best start in life, I still feel like I’ve failed him. No matter what decision I make, I feel like a bad mom.

But on the bright side, at least there exists a food that makes him all better, even if it doesn’t come from me. And before I fed him my milk yesterday he was doing brilliantly.

In other news, Adam and I did not fare quite as well with the parvovirus as Reed did. We both ended up getting it (which means we must not have had it as kids since having it gives you immunity) and we’re now horribly achy and exhausted. My doctor told me to stay home from work until Thursday and I was looking forward to resting while Reed’s at daycare until I remembered that we are getting our roof replaced this week! Crap! So instead of sleeping, we have to be out of the house for the next two days and have to come up with something quiet and relaxing to do (movies? day spa?) so that we can hopefully recover from this as quickly as possible. Will the suckiness ever end?